Gwen's Corner

Hello, boys and girls! It's Limey, bringing you the very first show report of 2008!




A quick word of advice before I continue...Apparently Shannon is a gal to watch out for these days. You don't want to play Monopoly with her (as demonstrated by her quote in the program, “Welcome to Screwed. Population: YOU!”), and you certainly don't want to be around her when she's getting her Saturday Night Fever on for you may get punched in the eye, just as I did after the show on Saturday. She's so mean and I don't know why...perhaps she's still mad that Leah made her play Janet last week...




Anyway, enough of angering the Shannon further, and onto the show!




Frank--Saturn

Janet--Emily

Brad--Nathan, aka Fishboy

Riff--Marc

Magenta--JJ

Columbia--Halo

Dr. Scott--Robert

Rocky--Wes...again...

Eddie--Shannon, the queen of cruelty with adorable pigtails

The Criminologist--Eris




Transylvanians were: Scott, Amy, Kate, Josh, James, Bizah, Cecilie, Tora, Sarah Beth, Pete, Chelcie, Jackie, Squiddie, and Twitch (who is listed on the program but I don't think he was actually there...)




Floorwalkers were: Animal, Starman, Daniel and Cody




Tech was Danny, James, Cody, Donna, Mary, and Me.




Preshow was fun. I got to run around and rub on people for a bit and then they did the rules (fuck the rules!) Mary did virgin games, which involved donuts and towels. It was a bit on the messy side.

The opening credits brought the usual abuse upon Wes. James (who is incredibly tall) was right on the end, so as I panned my spot across the stage, I saw everyone's faces in the spotlight, and then at the end of the line, James' belly. Sometimes I got his chin but for the most part, it was alllll belly. Tee-hee!

Nathan got beaten by stage props in Dammit Janet. Ever had a gravestone jump out and smack you on the head? Nathan did. I was entertained. For creation scene (aka the scene that never ends, when Frank laughs maniacally at the ceiling for about three hours), Danny played Hey Mickey! I yelled and cursed at him for playing it when I was on spot, so he jumped up there and let me go dance and I was happy.

Some time while Frank was prancing around the lab, being the shit, one of the girls in the front row showed her tits—TO THE CAST! Being in the front row, that meant that only the people ON STAGE got to see her boobs. Those of us NOT on stage felt hard done by, for we did not see boobs. So please, girl in the front row, come show us your boobs next week! And this time, turn around so we can ALL see them! We would be much obliged. =)

Let's see, what else...OOOH! Bedroom scene! Nathan PROVED to us his utter homoishness when a certain, very HOT co-worker of someone on cast, jumped up on the block and began to molest him in Frank's place. What does Nathan do? He PUSHES HER OFF. Homo, I tell you. Some nice young gay man please come save him from his delusion of heterosexuality. He's a nice boy...he just needs some guidance. But I digress, the important part is that his actions led to a very nice random lesbian make out session between the hot co-worker, Bizah, and Emily, so we were happy.

Toucha' brought the usual abuse of Wes (again) and Lesbian action on the block. And then there was whipping, wheeling, gonging, and eating of candy. Robert got attacked for something in his note which is supposed to read, “I'm out of my hed. Oh hurry or I may be dead!...etc,” and ended up with said note crammed in his mouth. Then there was running and screaming and people getting stoned and plastered, Dancing in skivvies, and Robert taking Nathan's place to abuse a virgin for superheros.

I don't think Eris got to do a single monologue without being harassed by AnimalKitty...except maybe for the closing one, when James taunted her by holding the globe waaay out of her reach. She eventually gave up and finished the speech by smacking him in the belly with her book. Then the show was over and I found out that I had utterly missed Transies sucking on each others boobs earlier. D'oh!




Soooooooooo hope you enjoyed my lengthly show report. Happy 2008 and we hope to see you all next week!




Don't forget January 19th is the long-awaited SCI-FI show! I assure you the Bastard boys & girls will not disappoint. Hopefully we'll see a lot of audience costumes, too 'cause we love those =) We have lots of other exciting stuff coming up in 2008 so stay tuned and keep an eye on the front page, where we'll keep ya' updated on all our goings on.




Long live the 69 and all that...




Limey