Gwen's Corner

Stardate 011908.1215.

I seem to have been sent down to a strange planet with strangely dressed aliens and humans. This must be the Captain’s latest plot to get me killed. So many of my red shirted friends have drawn the short straw, today must’ve been my turn. I mean, seriously, after one of our fellow Ensigns was turned to salt by some pissed off alien, we’ve all just decided we’re doomed. We’re expendable. Stupid Starfleet. If I survive I fucking quit! So, let’s see. Met some chick named Kaylee. She’s the mechanic of some ship called a Firefly? It sounded like a bucket of bolts captained by an unprofessional idiot. She tried to hit me when I pointed this out. Why don’t they give us Ensigns phasers? And there was this other human, he said his name was Arthur Dent? He carried a towel, asked for tea, and a ride in my ship. I don’t think the Prime Directive would’ve allowed for me to acquiesce to his request.

There was a random assortment of alien races I’ve never met before. And another that appeared human and spoke a very limited amount of Basic (which I thought was universally known) I couldn’t quite make out what she was going on about, but I chalked it up to her being crazy. She kept saying something about how she was the “Fifth Element”. So we were all in this giant ballroom type place, and I swear we were mind controlled because we all performed this weird dance. Something about a Time Warp. A man claiming to be something called a “butler” had the strangest contraption ever. It looked like something my Old Earth Tech history classes called a chainsaw. But it was ON HIS HAND. I don’t know HOW that happened. I’m not sure I WANT to know. His companion was a Cat/Human hybrid of some sorts. There was also some poor slave girl, which is ridiculous! Slavery’s been outlawed in Federation space. It was rumoured that she is some princess of sorts and that her planet was destroyed. I’ve not heard of any planets being destroyed…but maybe she’s from a galaxy far, far away? Ack! Some crazy chick in a black body suit just tried to bite some guy’s neck!! Lots of people with guns. A phaser would be WONDERFUL right now. There are these two humans who look as startled to be here as I feel. Well, okay the male with the H shaped hologram on his forehead looked startled. She girl in a green camouflage dress looks annoyed. Another person with a GUN! GUNS EVERYWHERE. This must not be a very safe planet. The slave/princess girl seems to be very excited about him being here. What’s “carbonite”?

Okay. We’ve all gone up to his “lab”. There’s a human sized tank with something human shaped in the middle. Gee, maybe it’s human? Is it some sort of submersive healing tank? Whatever is in there is moving. He’s wearing a body suit…thing. Not really sure what race he is. But the one human is chasing him around. Something tells me this isn’t a healthy place to be. Mentally or physically. The people around me are betting something called “money” as to if the slave girl is wearing anything under her loin-skirt. I don’t know what this money is, but I’m thinking no. Some more running is going on. Something/One has come out of the freezer. People keep chanting Jayne. Isn’t that a girl’s name? It looks like a boy. And he just settled this bet for the people around me. Somehow that slave girl is wearing underwear. Fascinating. OH and now I’m going to die!

* kills the red shirted Ensign *

So yea. This is Shannon. I couldn’t keep that up much longer. I was starting to be ashamed to even know myself. So we’ll just say that Ensign Mysty died while running from Jayne. This is okay, since while I was running from Jayne I ducked into a row and hid the rest of the night. HA. So instead of killing Jayne, he received a letter. Awwwww….Fox fired him. Fuck Fox. * misses Firefly terribly * Bedroom scenes. Tank Girl anally rapes whatever Wes was with a vacuum hose. I never could figure out what he was supposed to be (Leah's Note: Wes was Flash Gordon!). It’s possible I’m just lame. There was hotness on the box of lesbians. We had a giant slug of a Mafia Boss as Crimmie, who at one point forgot to put his mask down.

And seriously, there were LOTS of guns. We must keep the NERF Company in business because people were being SHOT all night and I counted at least 4 different nerf guns. I think they’re all owned by Charles(Firefly). End of the movie Wes refused to pick up and carry Han Solo (Frank for those keeping tabs) and just walked away and got tackled by a Squid in the audience. So, that’s the long and short of it. We were all very amused by ourselves. Our audience was very amused by us. And all in all, people were amused.

For those who lost track of who was who…

Frank – Cody/ Han Solo
Janet – Halo/ Tank Girl
Brad – Fish/ Android (Red Dwarf)
Riff – Glenn/Ash/Marvin the Martian
Magenta – JJ/ Cat Girl for Island of Dr. Moreau (can’t remember character’s name)
Columbia – Limey/Princess Leia
Rocky – Wes…Fuck If I Know (Leah's Note: Flash Gordon)
Dr. Scott – Mike/ a pastry alien life form (a mélange?) It’s from Monty Python! He’s the nerdiest of us all….
Crimmie – Starman/Dr. Who/ Jabba the Hutt
Eddie – Charles/Jayne Cobb (Firefly)

Transies- I always forget someone here cause I’m too lame to take a program home with me. But here goes.

Mary- Kaylee (Firefly)
Saturn- Arthur Dent (Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy)
Josh- uhm the guy from Escape from New York
Pete – Random Stargate Marine
Shannon – Red shirted Ensign
Tora – the Fifth Element Chick
Emily – She was a Death Eater (hehe…Underworld)
David – Fry (Futurama)
Amy – Six (Trippin’ The Rift)
Jennifer – Ewok (she wore a brown shirt that said “I is a Ewok”. It was much adorable until the shirt started to make her itch)
Twitch – He looked like a Man in Black but he wasn’t. I don’t remember what though.
Squid – Had a bucket with red glowy eyes on his head. I wanna say Gir just for shits and giggles.

And that’s honestly all I can remember. I’m lame I’m sorry. But yes. We ARE nerds. Thanks for asking! We have a Denton Show coming up on January 25th! At the Movie Tavern on University! You should go! We also have Mardi Gras show coming up on February 9th! And All-Con is coming up in March! They’ve always been good to us so you should come out! It’ll be great! They’ve got one of the actors from Blazing Saddles coming out…but I can’t remember his name. You should look it up though.

And that’s all I have for now. I’m tired, my lips are chapped, and I have manga to read. Ph34r //||\\3