Gwen's Corner

last weekend, we had design-a-lineup. some motherfucker (jarrod? jared?[you know him]) bought pretty much all the tickets for it, i honestly don't know why we even made any pretense of anyone else having a chance to win. but it's okay, i like him more than some of the other people who would've designed a lineup. and he put me on sound, which is much better than some of the other options.
either way, i was slated for show report this week, so i made a whole bunch of notes with the intention to work all of the notes into some sort of story. perhaps a narrative told from the point of view of some lonely sound guy who was all by himself in the back of the theatre because he didn't know where the FUCK mike was, mike, who was supposed to help him with sound, but wound up having other duties as well, so piss on all of that anyway. bitches.
after the show was over, i looked at my notes, and realized that there was no way to make this into a story without it being some shitty summarization of the movie itself; with, of course, references to members of los bastardos, the cast and its audience.
so instead, i'll transcribe the notes wordforword and fuck-all.
DESIGN-A-LINEUP! 09/20/08
"make you my lover"@speech
"oompa-loompa"@fay wray
door-t7
creation-t8
fay wray-t10
'that's alright, that's okay'-t13
walk-out-t14
show report
>jj makes a really good brad
>saturn==awkward riff (but strangely.. fitting)
>kirk is everything i've imagined in a crimmie
>damnit halo! i wanted to see a pink haired maggie. fuck you and your wigs!
>kirk=pole smoker
>where the fuck is mike.
>gillian as janet! my god, real imaginative jared.
>use the word soporific
>halo is FUCKING creepy as maggie
>good job on timewarp, halo
>you too, saturn
>eris, you met expectations
>leah, you should put nathan in as a transie more often. i saw him mess up timewarp
>wes as well. and they were LAUGHING about it. shame on them
>strangely enough, everyone cheered when leah came out as frank
>you're lucky they think you are pretty leah, cause you ain't that convincing as frank
>what makes jj look even hotter than she already is? odd as it may seem: a wife beater
>time to fix the mike stand?
> where the FUCK is mike
>beau, don't upstage leah
>leah, don't break the tank
>beau, don't rape leah
>WHITEY! don't steal leah!
>BEAU! KEEP YOUR FUCKING CLOTHES ON!
>amy looks (and sounds) like a jewish rocky. finally, we have some diversification
>ha! look at that! someone running from leah.
>leah, learn your roles. you were late on the weights
>in fact you off for most of "make you a man"
>emily, good job with eddie. really
>beau, don't touch the other actors
>kirk, you are the worst midget ever
>limey+leah+bedroom scene=roommates? seriously?
>the riddler returns!
>beau was kind enough to let leah get retribution by taking riff's spot after tank scene. and riff's whip to the back. though, honestly, i think she hit him harder than necessary.
>you can shout "leah's tits!" all you want, but it just ain't gonna happen
>cowboy dr. scott!
>how did starman get in the tank? i didn't even see him get in!
>kirk, i really like your crimmie
>i've lost interest
>by the way, leah? can i borrow those panties? i want some lace, see-through floorshow underwear, and i think you and i wear the same size
>a couple cast guys (beau, wes, mike etc) seem to be dressing up for something
>halo, you look bored
>saturn, you look good. i think you ought to do riff more often.
>any pretty girls out there wanna do me?
>bunch:"who is leah's gynecologist?" columbia:"my god!" i like that one.
>great yelling @ red door, halo!
>leah, doesn't look frightened of maggie, she looks disgusted. personally, halo, i'd be offended
>who is skull fucking kirk?
>"attention, ladies and gay men.. etc" always get a laugh
>amy started floorshow in the wrong spot
>jj did awesome @ floorshow, seriously, you should have been there, it was amazing
>leah, good job keeping your vag covered as the oompa-loompas carried you off
>all-girl kickline==awesome. now i see what jared was getting at with this lineup
>there's a banana on saturn's head
>why the FUCK is jared dressed as hellraiser?
>i've lost interest again

that's that, it was a good show.
if you were there, then i'm sure you remember it.
if you weren't, well, you should have been.