Gwen's Corner

Well, not missing, but sick with the flu, as were a couple of other Bastards. Between influenza and Walmart tramplings, our audience was smaller than usual, but they made up for it by bringing money and not setting our balls on fire. Oh yeah, here's the people who made it to the show this week:

FRANK: Beau (Is gross)
JANET: Eris (Spelled backwards is "Sire")
BRAD: Cody (Filling in for a sick Fish...he had the ick)
RIFF: Nuggett (Who has cable now)
MAGENTA: JJ (Not actually her initials)
COLUMBIA: Amy (Managed not to get glitter on me)
DR. SCOTT: Saturn (Literally did nothing for the first half of the show)
ROCKY: Wes (Fits in your pocket)
EDDIE: Mary (Filling in for a well Cody)
CRIMMIE: Starman Matt (Now with Retsin!)

TRANSIES: Ashley (Hot), Britt (Black), Cory (Gay?), Halo (Hawt), KC (Hot/Black), Kirk (Tall), Meighan (Braless)

TECH: Paul (Naked), Ray (Sick, showed up, then was sent home for being sick), Donna (Red is the color of whores), Marc (Carbon Based)

SOUND: Sean (Literate) and Mike (Got a haircut)

FLOORWALKERS: Starman Matt (Mentioned twice?), Jason (Lonely), Kirk (Did I mention tall?), and Marc (Friend of Elves)

Before the show even started, we were treated to Bobcat and Danny. Bobcat was the one in the jacket he got from Rod Roddy's grave, and Danny was not Bobcat. Halo and Ashley did the hot Trixie thing on the box, and then Starman and I took the stage...or would have, except we were too full of turkey and pie. Instead, Britt and KC were our preshow proxies (complete with accoutrements) and Starman and I (micro)phoned it in from the audience. Who says I'm not a man of the people? After rules (where we tried to get Britt and KC to make out, but to no avail), it was time for announcements. With Madame Leah on the DL (lung), who would do the announcements? None other than the newest addition to our cast: Triple Fake Leah!!! After mentioning the upcoming Mel Brooks theme show (DECEMBER 13TH), and our website, Eris took over to talk about our serious announcements; the various charities that we're supporting this holiday season. We're adopting teenagers (but not kidnapping them, honest), doing a food drive for the North Texas Food Bank, and gathering used clothing and household items for Women's and Teen Shelters around the area. Give until it hurts (especially if you're into pain).

I would be remiss if I didn't mention that Beau (who remains gross) and Bobcat were the proxies for Triple Fake Leah and Eris during the announcements. Bobcat did unspeakable things to the Janet hat, many of which I should probably have told Eris about before she put it on her head. Oh well, that's why they make shampoo, am I right?

Beau ran Virgin Games, and managed to achieve that rarest of feats: looking unprepared to play Fake the Orgasm. If you're ever on a game show, and the question is about Disney characters...don't call Beau for your lifeline. The man has children, and doesn't know what company Donald Duck works for? I call shenanigans.

Starman and I managed to summon enough energy to come up on stage and do the Pledge ourselves (since I enjoy getting my crotch grabbed), and then the movie started.

104 minutes later, the movie ended. That was the show.
























PSYCH!!!

Okay, so Brad and Janet-y things occur, and our Ralph looks like he and Cody could have had a 5 round UFC match or something. I was floorwalking on the right side for the first time in forever, and wind up getting whacked by transie-wielded flashlights while trying to run down and do the lightning bolt bit. Beau does Frank things, and people squeal when the cape comes off. I steal one of his shoes. Wes runs around in gold underpants, and I miss him with a roll of toilet paper. Beau does "Down With The Sickness" for the 100th time during Creation, and dancing occurs near him, possibly with Cody and Eris. It's the most likely scenario, so let's just go with it. Birthday girl Jerri (spelling?) was our midget tonight, which is funny because she doesn't have to get on her knees (heh heh heh, I just cracked myself up).

Mary's Eddie is always fun, especially when Amy is Columbia. Bobcat was our Stunt Cock, and did the lift with Amy. One of my favorite bits when Cody plays Brad is during the "Male Tit!" scene (I think of everything in the show solely in floorwalker terms), and he just stops in his tracks and Beau can't push him any further. Because of that, it's Cody's own fault that I choose to break out a few lines of "CODY SMASH!!!" during his floor show dance. CODY NO CARE ABOUT GENEVA CONVENTION!!! CODY WILL FART!!!

Frank gets what he deserves, and the show ends. Some of the cast goes out into the Lung Cancer Ghetto, then we all come back in to clean up after you fuckers. Cast meeting happens, then we leave. Some of us went to IHOP after the show. Beau's wife was having her birthday, so there was cake. I got the Big Chicken Fried Steak breakfast, which is chicken fried steak (obviously), three eggs (over medium, although they were way runnier), hash browns, and three pancakes. I love pancakes, seriously. Hell, half the table got pancakes, I think, and the syrup flowed like the mighty Mississippi. Cody ordered a T-Bone Steak dinner, and amused me greatly by picking up the bone and tearing the meat off of it like a caveman. CODY SMASH PUNY STEAK!!! Mike and Marc played their version of the Kevin Bacon game, and much smoking occured. Bobcat's T-shirt was tight, and made me question my manhood a little. We all paid our bill (yay not skipping out on the check!), and two waitresses touched my hat. I drove home and changed into my pajamas. I thought about playing some World of Warcraft, but my heart just wasn't into it, so I checked some email and took a dump while reading an Encyclopedia Brown book, then went to bed. When I woke up, I microwaved some meatloaf and a baked potato, and spent most of the day playing Peggle Nights and IM'ing with people, and texting with Halo. I took a nap, then almost overslept, but still made it to work on time. I got tacos on the way to work, and did a little homework while I was talking to some of the RA's that work in my dorm. Then I logged onto the cast part of the LB website and started typing the show report. And now I'm done.