Gwen's Corner

Okay, so here's the deal. I was not at this show. I wasn't even in the state of Texas. I was visiting family in Indiana, and so was not able to see the show. However, I refuse to let a small technicality prevent me from writing a show report for this show. Thus, I will be presenting my best guess as to what happened, based on Billy's pictures and my own knowledge of the cast.

First though, the lineup:

Frank: Wes (Prancer)
Janet: Amy (Dancer)
Brad: Cody (Smasher)
Riff Raff: Shannon (PixyStixen)
Magenta: Madame Leah (I missed Leah as Maggie? Fuck that shit!)
Columbia: Halo (Vixen)
Dr Scott: Starman (Pimpen)
Rocky: Sean (Blitzed)
Eddie: Mary (Licken)
Criminologist: Mr. Saturn (I heard he's totally doing Columbia)
Tech/Props/Sound: Scott, Ray, Nuggett, Sean, Mike, Kirk, Marc, and Eris
Floorwalkers: Starman, Marc, Cody, and Mr. Saturn
Show Report: Mary (*ahem*)
Transies: Ashley, Beau, Britt, Cory, Eris, Fish, JJ, KC, Kirk, Meighan, and Pete

The show started with a lot of people outside smoking and dressed like whores (I'm sorry, I mean "festively") while being sold various trinkets and geegaws by disinterested transies who were more interested in smoking. Oh, and Mary. I wasn't there, so I'm sure button sales were down. Inside the theater, the people who aren't going to die of lung cancer were no doubt setting up tech and props for the show. Halo's shiny pink outfit looks hot, I'm really sorry I missed that one. Once people were let into the theater, Sean probably played a few songs on his Zune, girls got up and danced on the box, and boners were had by all. Hmm, looks like Leah and Starman did the rules...I'm sure Leah was interrupted and thrown off track a few times by cast members coming up to molest her, and Beau doing something gross (like standing near her). Leah's apron keeps making me think of cookies...I want a cookie. Leah, will you make me some cookies? Or sleep with me? Either way is good, and you can wear the apron for both. Ooh, Mary's doing a virgin game that involves Leah and duct tape. I'm regretting missing this even more now. Now Leah's tied up and gagged (I'm going solely off of Billy's pictures for this part, and I totally don't have my hand in my pants...HONEST) and walking up the aisle. Now Halo is helping untie Leah's hands...that's not right, she should be steering her towards a quiet place for some holiday lovin...pink santa hat is adorable, by the way. At this point of the show, I was playing Peggle Nights on my laptop and listening to Brian Posehn. Not even remotely close in quality. I was going to call in and do a zany comedy bit over the microphone, but it didn't work out...or that's what they told me anyway. Fuckers.

The show finally starts and OH GOD WHAT IS WES WEARING!!!! I take it back, I'm glad I was in another time zone for that. Oh man, I want to scoop my eyes out and set them on fire now. I'm looking at a picture of Ashley now, to negate the effect of Tiny Outfit Wes, and I can see Marc in the background, not dressed up for the theme. Bad Marc! Now here's Wes getting into a giant Christmas present, and I start whistling "Dick in a Box". :P

What the fuck? Danny was Brad? What the hell happened to Cody? Why doesn't anyone tell me this shit! Okay, so Amy and Danny start getting stripped by Riff/Maggie, and I'm not going to scroll up to fix the lineup. I'm lazy, deal with it. Now here's Sean coming out, all wrapped up in candy cane wrapping paper. Halo and Leah tear into it like it's filled with Anime/Food, and dancing occurs. OH GOD, I CAN SEE THROUGH SEAN'S SHORTS!!!

Mary is dressed like Herbie or something, and now she's looking through a Lisa Frank notebook. Obviously not making notes in it for a show report (ZINNNNNNNG!!!!!!!) She and Halo play with each other's boobs (since I don't think Halo's dress is built for doing the COlumbia lift :P ), and then something something I'm losing interest. I need a sammich, brb.

*one delicious chicken sammich and some pretzels later*

Okay, so Wes rapes Amy, Fred rapes Danny, I stop being sad about missing this show, Fred and Danny rape Wes, I think about just not showing up ever again for Rocky, and there's Saturn dressed as a Jew. Luckiest lesbian raffle winner ever, and he probably doesn't appreciate it. Starman manages to find a girl from the audience to ride his lap down the aisle and onstage (I'm sure her parents are proud), ooh, and Amy's jugs are on display. Halo has Hello Kitty crotch. Leah and Shannon try to murder Starman with their combined breasts. Halo is on her third outfit of the night, and I begin to think that I need to start floorwalking from backstage on theme show nights. Sean's shorts are still translucent. Now he's flossing his nuts with tinsel. I hope that tinsel was burned afterwards. Danny is doing floorshow with a cigarette in his mouth...classy. Amy is shiny. Now Cody is shirtless and belligerent. I'm sure there's a story behind that one, but damned if I care anymore. This was a horrible idea. Ashley's wearing another boner-inducing outfit, but between her hair and the blurryness of the photo, I thought it was Fish the first time I saw it. That's either a huge insult to Ashley, or a huge compliment to Fish. Oh well, not like either one of them is still reading at this point. I can say whatever I want by this point, no one is paying attention. I'm secretly gay! I once had sex with a bagel! I want to marry Leah and not have babies! I hate tacos!

Now the show is over and everybody's out at the Lung Cancer Ghetto. Halo is being anally raped by Beau while Fish looks on. Leah actually went outside? What the fuck? Oh, and now she's being groped by everybody, thus sending her back inside for another 14 months. After the show, everybody on cast had to clean up YOUR mess (jerks), then cast meeting and going home (via IHOP/Old South/wherever people get food and/or smoke). Something something, big joke to finish...see you next week, suckers!