Gwen's Corner

Let’s begin this little diatribe by saying that one year ago tonight I saw my very first los bastardos show ever. I had seen a cast or two but this was by far the greatest thing I had ever seen since my first experience with Asian ass porn. So it was very cool that I got to do the show report on the one year anniversary of my first seeing this monstrosity we so commonly refer to as los bastardos.

The first thing most was treated to was a playing of sir mix-a lot’s “baby got back” in a scale that no one has seen it in before. The immense scope of ass at 18x normal size just made me wish I had some juicy sista in spandex bike shorts of my own at that moment. Another thing that most will kick themselves if they missed this show was the lovely Ashley along with the beautiful new Megan dancing on the box in the most appropriate way that sir mix would be damn proud.

The next thing we were bombarded with was an assault on the brain by the ever tenacious pint sized Mary and her large and in charge cohort, Jason. Her wit and rainbow skewed tyrants on audience members were a fun change of pace. I think that starman would be very proud.

The remainder of the preshow went as the following…. Leah looked hot in black and red stripped tights…3 out of 4 virgins can’t blow up a simple party balloon… and starman has herpes..

Now as we started the opening dance, it was an assault on the senses. We saw Amy and the most orange hair you’d ever see. It came at you like a ray of light coming thru your window the morning after an all night bender. We also realized why josh should never wear gold bikini briefs. The Magenta outfit looked as great on j.j. as the Columbia shorts looked on Eris.

As the show started all that was heard was the assault on Saturn from an unknown part time cast member. We’ll call him (dan). It went something like this.. “your late.. what was that.. you missed it again.. you fail…” basically that’s what was heard for many rows on the right side of the theater. Then this dan fellow proceeded to tackle/molest Ms. Shannon as she attempted to perform the duties of said crimmie.

As the show progressed it went rather smoothly with an occasional oddity such as fish’s 18” phallus being used in a very delightful way in bedroom scene. And of course there was Jason’s obsession with the hind quarters of the ladies in the house. Plus there was the moment that woke the few people in the audience that had fallen asleep and that was Emily’s ear mangling scream that seemed to resonate around the theater like a sonic boom. Then there was the be all end all of lesbian scene. Leah’s name was picked and we got to see leah sandwiched between eris and j.j. how odd I’ve had this dream before. Of course there was less clothes and I was in there too but it was nice to see a dream of mine finally coming true. And of course the show couldn’t be great without cody in all his intensity running full force into the box to end it in total rocky fashion.

All in all it was a great show and if you missed it then this show report will have to suffice. Now I’m not saying anything specific but you might wanna come next week and see what happens. Lets just say it’ll be better in person that reading it here. Oh and on a last note since this is gwen’s corner… I was infatuated with her after seeing her and then she snubbed me. I am such a pathetic loser.. now in the immortal words of sir mix-a lot “when a girl walks in with a itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get sprung”