Gwen's Corner

Franks - Beau, Saturn, Fish, Wes, Cody, and Madame Leah
Janet - Emily
Brad - Cory
Riff - Kirk
Maggie - Donna
Columbia - Amy
Dr. Scott - Marc
Rocky - Britt
Eddie - Shannon
Crimmie - Mike
Transies - Limey, Gussie, Mary, Kirk, Paul, Jon, Melissa, Pete, Mandy, Jery, Napoleon
Spot A- Ashley
Spot B- Walker
Board- Nuggett
Sound- Sean and Danny
Grip- Danny, Nuggett, Kirk, Britt, Jeremy
Props- Halo, Eris
Floorwalkers- Starman, Jason, "the Franks"

Yes, you read that right: There were SIX Franks at this show. It all started a couple months ago, when Saturn, Beau, and I (and probably some more people, but I can't be arsed to remember) were sitting around, thinking of hilarious shenanigans to do at the show. We've done "Dueling Franks" before, where two cast members will keep shoving each out of the way to play Frank N Furter, but this time we wanted to up the ante. I think it was the idea of an all-Frank kick line during Floor Show that really sold us on the idea. We pitched it to Madame Leah, and she agreed to let us do it.

But first, for those of you reading this in the distant future (probably from the screen embedded in your wrist, and while you're riding around on your Mattel Hover Board), this week was the week that Michael Jackson died. Also, Farrah Fawcett and Ed McMahon died too, but that's like putting brussels sprouts and bologna on a steak and blowjob buffet. So, in addition to Frank-related hijinks, we also had to find a way to honor/dance-on-the-grave-of the King of Pop(ping underage cherries).

We started off by playing some classic Michael Jackson tunes for the Trixies and audience to dance to on their way into the theater. One guy was so dumb (HOW DUMB WAS HE?) that when Danny played "Beat It", he went home.


***crickets***



What can I say, I only bring it on Saturday nights. So any pop-related grief the audience may have had was alleviated by hot ladies and sweaty menfolk. Following that was an encore performance of an old LB classic, Thriller. Mike (no relation) was dancing his way down the aisle, then was replaced by Emily as Zombie Michael (note to the real Michael Jackson if he does become a zombie: don't kill me) as she led some other Bastards in the rest of the Thriller dance.

Next, Cody and Mary hopped on the box for a lightning round version of preshow (don't blame us, blame Michael Bay), and then I came up to lead our Virgins in my new favorite game, Jason's Rocky Dance Party! The dude dressed like the Twilight equivalent of My Chemical Romance won, but my personal favorite was a guy who busted out the Water Sprinkler Dance. They won some valuable crap, then we all got sworn out (or in, I always forget) by Mary.

The movie started as usual; Brad and Janet were rocking out to some sweet Journey tunes in their pimpmobile, then Brad drives over a rake and they have to go find a phone so they can call Brad's cousin Pepe to give them a ride. Why don't they just use a cell phone, right? Well, Brad was trying to take a shortcut, so he drove through a dead zone, and thus couldn't pull out the huge Zack Morris phone to make a call. Not even texting, I know. So they head to the nearest house, but before it turns into an episode of Cribs, it takes a right turn into Time Warp Town, and before you know it, everybody's all sweaty. Then out comes Beau, playing Frank. No surprises there, right? Frank sings and/or dances, everybody gets to ride in an elevator (and who doesn't love an elevator ride, am I right?), and then two Franks greet them at the top.

Wait a minute, two Franks?

Yup, Beau and Saturn are sharing the green lab smock, and moving like one gross/nerdy unit. During Creation, they dueled over singing "Down With The Sickness" and "We Didn't Start The Fire", while all of us up by sound just kept cracking up. It's a fun place to be. After all that hoopla is done with, Afrocky is born, and even with two Franks chasing him, he's just too athletic to be caught.

Eddie comes in to fuck some shit up, but gets distracted by Columbia's rack, and doesn't see Fish (Frank #3) sneaking up behind her. BeauFrank and SaturnFrank come over wielding weapons, and shove Eddie over a kneeling FishFrank, then they triple-team him to death. Columbia is distraught until Megaaaaan comes over and soothes her with her sweet gay rack. Brad and Janet try to get some sleep, but Janet is rudely interrupted by three Franks, all trying to get some sweet poonanny. Even though there is a hole for each of them, Emily is too fast and managed to escape. Afrocky was not to lucky, as Riff violated the shit out of him with a pitchfork and then chased him off stage. Brad was joined, not by the Frank Triad, but by a couple of "lucky" audience members, who wrestled around with him for a while, and then just wandered back to their seats, stunned and confused.

Riff totally got pwned by three...scratch that, FOUR Franks armed with whips. Yes, Wes decided to join the fun, and just in time, as all four Franks kicked Riff, then poked Cory so hard, he came right out of his robe. Dr. Scott rolled in at this time, and got four high heels on his junk for his trouble. Just as things were getting weird, dinner was served.

Just kidding, it wasn't dinner, it was CodyFrank under a sheet! Five Franks, bitches! Beat that!!! Emily tried (and screamed) her hardest, but was eventually overwhelmed by the tactical advantage afforded by the quintet of queers. Brad, Janet, Columbia, and Afrocky all got to sing and dance, then it was time for the Franks to file out. Lined up single file, they stepped out in time to the fanfare until all six...wait a minute, SIX? Yup, much to the glee of the crowd, our final Frank was our beloved Madame Leah. Let me tell you, you have not lived until you've seen six Franks simultaneously doing floor show. That led to an all-Frank pool scene (with Leah wisely swimming away from the boypile), and then an epic ten person kickline! This has to be seen to be believed (and will be if you check out our video page...click "Movies" on the menu to your left").

One person who wasn't impressed was Riff, and he hunted down all six Franks (plus a few Transies in Frank makeup) and created a pile of Franks on stage. Afrocky recruited some help to pick up all those Frank corpses, and Riff murdered all of them too. What a dick. Finally, it was all over, and the audience filed out into the sweaty sweaty Texas night. Seriously, it was still 90 degrees at 5 AM when I was driving home. I know, right?