Gwen's Corner

Frank: Wes
Janet: Megaaaan
Brad: Fish
Riff Raff: Kirk
Magenta: Bizah
Columbia: Leah
Dr. Scott: Mike
Rocky: Sean
Eddie: Pete
Criminologist: Starman

Transies: Britt, Christy, Cory, Gussie, Jery, Jon, KC, Lyndi, Melissa, Napoleon, Scott, and Vex

Tech/Sound/Lights/Grips: Paul, Emily, Danny, Walker, Sean, Cody, Kirk, Gus, Jeremy, Madame Leah

Flooorwalkers: Cody, Marc, Jason, Jeremy, Starman Matt


A little known fact about Los Bastardos: Many of us have homes that we go to after the show! Some of us even live outside of the Ft. Worth area. Some of us, in fact...wait for it...LIVE IN DENTON!!! WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!! We love Denton shows, because instead of the soul-crushing 45 minute drive to Ft. Worth, we can just leisurely drive a few blocks down to the Denton Movie Tavern! We could even ride a bike, or take a horse-drawn carriage, or flood the streets and surf to the theater. Okay, maybe not. Anyway, the point is, we made it back to Denton!

First off, we love the Denton Movie Tavern staff! Granted, we also love the Ridgmar Movie Tavern staff, but the Denton staff doesn't have the benefit of repeated weeks of our wacky hijinks and offbeat shenanigans to get used to us. However, they are always happy to see us (or the BEST fakers on earth) and the crowd of freaks we drag along in our wake. Hopefully, everybody at the show tipped them well, and you should go back to the Denton MoTav and tip them more in the future, especially Abby. Abby is awesome, and I fully intend on seeing her boobs someday. Someday...

*ahem*

So, the staff was awesome, and so was our crowd. Outside of Halloween or one of our theme shows, I don't think I've ever seen so many people dressed up for the show. There were folks dressed as movie characters, there were people just dressed as hot Denton bitches, and there were enough Magentas to have an orgy (or, Magorgy, to use the scientific nomenclature). We kept the pre-show dancing going a little longer to accommodate some later arrivals, obviously college students who were just happy to be going someplace where they didn't lose a letter grade for being tardy.

Once we got everybody settled, it was time for Starman Matt and I (Jason, the guy typing...Hi, how's it going? Do you like tacos?) to take the stage and show off how incredibly old we are by coming out to "Jump" by Kris Kross. In our defense, we assumed that everybody still loves the Mac Daddy. The Daddy Mac, not so much. After going over the rules (which are also available on the syllabus...haha, college joke!), Madame Leah came up to make some announcements and turn boys into men with the help of her sweet cans and the hotness of the other 90% of her too. Also, we played the "Mini Sirloin Burgers" song for her, which made her happy, which made us happy, which made Jack in the Box sad, because we went to Whataburger after the show. SUCK IT, CLOWN!!! Then we broke in the virgins, of which there were A LOT. Not everybody can make it to Ft. Worth after all (just me, EVERY WEEK), so when the opportunity to lose your Rocky virginity comes to you, you've got to take it. Like a Bloodmobile, except with a different bodily fluid.

We got to play a special game with a special quartet of virgins, in which they paired up and had the male half defending the female half (aka, the Taylor Swift half) from an army of rampaging Kanye Wests. The girl with the Harry Potter Scarf and the nice hooters won, and I suppose she had a male partner who helped her win, but seriously...boobs. I wanted to see them, but we had to move on to the rest of the show. Harry Potter nice titty girl, if you're reading this, my email address is linked at the top of the page, so feel free to send me your boobs in the mail. For that matter, any ladies reading this who feel like shooting me a mammary-gram, I encourage it. Especially Abby.

Where was I? Oh yes, drowning in a sea of my own loneliness. And also starting the movie. Because of the sheer size of the theater, and because I was in the throes of a serious sore throat, we had all hands on deck to ensure you got the full floorwalker experience. To anyone who had to listen to the brunt of my gravel-and-broken glass voice (which was everyone, since I was on the microphone all during preshow), you are the true heroes. However, the audience was also great as far as yelling along, singing, clapping, and giving us money. Mmmm...sweet sweet money. The cast felt the love too, as they fed off of the audiences energy and gave it right back to them in the form of pelvic thrusting.

Kicking us off were Brad and Janet, played by (Denton's own!) Fish and Megaaaan, who were resplendent in their geeky/honky glory. They pranced and frolicked, but then their car got a flat and they had to seek assistance at the ooooooooooold Frankenstein place. With the help of the audience, Time was Warped, and Nuggett, Bizah, and Madame Leah totally broke down some sweet dance moves, You've Got Served-style.

Following that, some kind of bizarre half-man came down the aisle and on stage, and then was portraying the character of Dr. Frank-N-Furter. Man-panties galore, and the crowd was appreciative and horrified all at the same time. Wes does that to people...and oddly enough, to produce too. He then formed Sean out of a tank full of strange chemicals (and gold lame), and they ran around the theater, dodging treacherous stairs and railings. And toilet paper. And girls.

Some jerk on one-third of a motorcycle (and missing two-thirds of his facial hair) came in to bust up the party. I think it was Time-Traveling Pete From Ten Years Ago, but I couldn't be sure. Anyway, he got what was coming to him, then Brad and Janet tried to get some sleep. Unfortunately for Megaaaan, "restful sleep" was replaced by "get attacked by two cast members and have the front of her bra get broken". Not a fair tradeoff. She soldiered through it though (and people closer to the front might have seen a booby!), until Sean snuck his hand over the tank and unclasped the back, turning her bra into a two-piece. Or a pair of yarmulkes. Or eye patches for a pirate with really big eyes, and who liked to wear white for some reason. We managed to find her a new bra though (against the wishes of the men, and some of the women, in the audience), and none too soon, as it was time for MORE RUNNING!!! I'm not a fan of running, but running usually leads to jiggling, which is A-OK in my book.

Everybody changed into corsets and performed a floorshow. Well, not everybody. Five people. Five people is not everybody, you're right.

Frank, Columbia, and Rocky got what was coming to them, and everybody else celebrated by fleeing/elbow-touching. Starman Matt, who is not a real Criminologist (but might be a real Starman), wrapped up the story before going to drop a stinky deuce. Then it was over!

We love you Denton, and we'll be back very soon. We'll be showing up for UNT's showing of Rocky in the Lyceum on October 7th (A Wednesday!), and then back at the Denton Movie Tavern on October 23rd and October 30th (Halloween Eve!). Until then, check us out on this website, and on our Facebook profile (Los Bastardos), Myspace (losbastardoscast), and our semaphore signal!