Gwen's Corner

Yay another show done…and many more to go. Yes I am coming to a sad reality but anyway on with the report. We start as always in the beginning with a singing and a dancing. No I speak not of the show but the woman on the big black box thingy. Namely Halo and Amy all grinding and groping and such. See all of you should be happy since back in the day it was us guys that would shake our asses to “Baby Got Back” Namely Wedding Cake Paul and I. Scary isn’t it. Anyway we had the virgin games that were just fucked up. Some dude decides to be anxious and drops his drawers early so we put him in his place. Namely Preston whipping him with his own belt. Then we get a scared girl that was shy. Silly virgin pickers need to ask whether someone is shy so that sucked but we did get a meth/crack/heroin whore up there to even it out so I guess its okay. For tonight here’s our cast:

Frank: played by Mr. Saturn. What I love about this is that Mr. Saturn is a geek. He’s shy, cute, and completely oblivious to ladies loving him. Course I’m not one to speak here being quite the same but it amuses me that he’s Frank. He’s got a certain flare as shown during Creation scene when Halo and him acted out the song “ “from the play Reefer Madness.

Janet: played by Katie. You know all I can really say about Katie is the she cosplays and she is amused by having sex with goats. I don’t know and don’t want to know. Feel free if you want to.

Brad: played by Danny. Again another role that amuses me. Brad is clean cut, quiet, Bush supporter. Danny however is NOT…well maybe a Bush supporter. Regardless I like him because he’s able to make Brad look like a dork and he likes Gunny R. Lee Ermey.

Magenta: played by Angie. Although she may kill me for it. Angie is hot. She is also one of the best Magenta and I’ve seen a lot. So go tell her this…but only that. You might get hurt otherwise.

Riff: Shannon. Along time ago I was notorious for yelling at anyone that played Riff badly. Still do. I started training Shannon many years ago before I quit. It makes me happy that she’s got it. She didn’t once look happy. She was pissed and wanted to kill people. Well done Shannon.

Columbia: Star. Star was made to play Columbia. She’s all happy and shiny. She also has an ability to handle us floorwalkers. It’s just so easy to make fun of her. There’s rarely a show without a Star joke. However she’s a wonderful cast member who does well every week.

Dr. Scott: Starman. Good Dr. Scott, it’s his first role ever. I’d tell you ladies to love up on him but he has a girlfriend and he actually is noble and never strays. So just go up and tell him he’s pretty with his bushman look.

Rocky: English. Needs no introduction. The pretty man from that little island across the sea. He’s cool, scatter-brained and makes the ladies go ga-ga all the time. This week for example we had three ladies come to the show also from England. Two of them were staring at his ass many times…well wouldn’t you? It’s odd when the accent works on people with the same accent.

Eddie: Preston. Great Eddie. He can do the lift with anyone with no problem, even if the Columbia DOESN’T KEEP HER LEGS CLOSED! Much harder that way. This is a man I will tell you to love on. You’ll have a good time I promise.

Crimmie: Eris. As good as she is in the role I don’t notice this because I’m always thinking of ways to fuck with her. You start touching her badly and she squeaks. Wonderful fun.

Well we had the wedding scene with pictures taken and happiness abound. A little Asshole Boxing. There was a little bit of exchanging of the Clap. Speaking of which stay away from Katie…and Amanda. Then we go for a drive and some dumbass breaks his tire. Should have had AAA or at least checked his tire pressure. Let that be a lesson you folks. Make sure your car is going to be okay or you’ll become gay and have sex with an Englishman from Transylvania and your girlfriend will become a whore by having sex with a prettier Frankenstein’s monster. So what do you do? You go to a castle with a transvestite and a creepy butler that likes to sing in a lit up window. Weird. But these people, yuppies they may be, are brave and enter the castle to look for the phone. Too bad there isn’t one. Turns out that there is a convention that night. Weirdly dressed people in bright costumes from England not Japan. Now in the immortal words of Katie, “Don’t fuck con people.” These people made their mistake by doing just that, but first this head connie came and created this bleach blonde sex toy…of the male variety. But everything isn’t right in paradise. Apparently there was another sex toy…of the fat variety that is now killed. Everyone takes a nap, and most have sex with more than one person. Hey Mr. Mary Poppins shows up and finds out Brad’s gay and that his nephews here. He’s a cripple so a fat man that likes to show off his ass pushes him in. Then there’s dinner and it turns out that the head connie is a cannibal. He eats the fat sex toy which doesn’t make sense to me since that was a pretty lean hunk of meat they were eating. Then people get all scared and get stuck to the floor with uber invisible super glue. You know what? Its time for a mother fucking floor show. But that damn creepy butler and his sister come to kill the head connie. Another lesson: Beware of the creepy guy who looks at you and especially don’t get naked in front of them, but that’s not in the movie. The yuppie and the cripple escape and the house/castle goes whoosh.

Anyway that was the show. Hope you enjoyed it.

Supporting cast was:

Security: Preston, Danny, English, Charles, Cody, and myself Daniel.

Tech : Paul, Limey, Emily, Bizah, and Madame Leah.

Sound: Animal and Bobcat (dude who loves to show off his ass crack).

Floorwalkers: Animal, Preston, Daniel, Cody, and Greg (Encino Minion)

Special Guests: Minion and Wolf helped with floorwalking when the others were doing props.

Announcements Next week we have the “Pick a cast” show. We had a lucky winner that gets to have his own personally picked show. Should be interesting. So come to the show next week to see this.

All-Con show: The All-Con Show, with after-hours sexy party is NEXT week. 3-16-07

The long awaited "Best of the Bastards" DVD also goes on sale next weekend. It will be $10 for a Data DVD packed full of Bastard goodness! Featuring all of our You Tube videos, Bastard Gras 2006 & 2007, old school intro videos and the very first "Hey Mickey" and "Wannabe" performances.