Gwen's Corner

Lineup:

Frank: Star
Brad: Danny
Janet: Gillian
Riff-Raff: Minion
Magenta: Bizah
Eddie: Preston
Columbia: Amy
Rocky: Sean
Dr. Scott: Saturn (Me)
Criminologist: Charles, The King of No-Pants
Transylvanians: Katie, Daniel, Fred, JJ, Angie, Tommy, Satan, Cody, Halo, Squiddy, Greg, Emily, Nathan, Mike, Ammanda

Tech: Marc, Leah, Issac, Robert, Preston, Charles, Sean, English, Jennifer

Floorwalkers: Starman, Animal, Preston, English

Person we thought would be absent but showed up anyway: Shannon

Old cast that showed up: Cory

For the pre-show, we found a married couple, and forced the wife to give it to her husband in the doggy-style position until he made a somewhat realistic fake orgasm. Then, of course, we showered them with prizes. Our second couple was put up against a much harder task: they were to hump Starman's sides and force him to fake-orgasm. They received some prizes, too. No, I don't remember what prizes we gave them.

The movie was delayed slightly by the inclusion of the preview for The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning. And the peasants rejoiced. Oh, and the audience did, too.

The show started off without a hitch. Brad got into a punching match with Ralph over some snide compliment as Janet caught a bouquet of flowers. As Ralph and Betty drove off, their car horn sounded ironically like the General Lee. Brad and Janet walked into a graveyard, and, for some reason, spontaneously broke into song. As their song ended, they were interrupted by some dude in a study or library that had a book with a little too much information about the situation at hand. Normally, when I see guys in such environments, they don't have necks. This guy had one, but may have wished that he didn't, as there was a pretty angry looking would squarely in the middle of it (in reality, many of the casties had a Paintball match the afternoon before the show, and had the battle scars to prove it :D -Ed).

Brad and Janet's car broke down, and they were forced to retreat to a castle in an attempt to find a telephone (because, as we all know, castles are America's natural mating grounds for the wild Telephone). Fortunately, it wasn't the home of some mad scientist, but rather some sort of party house. There was singing, there was dancing, there was tap-dancing. Good times were had by all.

The owner of the house made an appearance dressed in drag. It was pretty damn convincing drag, too, cause I coulda swore that it looked like Star. (S)he sang a little song, and retreated to the lab. Our heroes attempted to follow, but must have been slowed down by their heavy, heavy clothes. Fortunately, those were removed, leaving Brad and Janet in their tidy-whities. It became obvious at this point that Brad had been in some kind of a scuffle, because he had welts all over his body (also from the Paintball event - Ed). They were escorted up to the sixth floor on an elevator to reach Frank's lab.

In the lab, the creature was born. Frank made a big deal about how muscle-y he was, but, in actuality, he must have weighed about 18 lbs. Rocky sang a little song, had his bandages removed, which were probably about 4 lbs. of the 18 he had, and sprinted around the room, giving himself a nice chance to introduce himself to the crowd. When he finally calmed down, Frank was a little upset, but quickly got over it when he remembered of the sexing to come. Columbia made some shitty comment about Rocky being only "okay," and Frank gave Brad and Janet a chance to clear that up. However, Janet proceeded to simultaneously lie and insert her foot into her mouth. An increasingly frustrated Frank N. Furter calmed himself down by singing a song and dancing with his new greased-up sex toy.

Somebody said something that must have been awful foul, because it was censored three consecutive times. Ironically, Eddie burst out of the freezer right after the foul language. He sang and danced for a moment, chasing the house guests around the room as they screamed in terror. Frank must not have liked his song too much, because he took the opportunity to stab Eddie to death with a pitchfork. Frank resumed his little song that he'd been working on before the interruption, and proceeded to go to bed. With the monster. I'm going to assume that anything that happened in there was totally kosher, or at least consentual. Why else would Frank have been able to chain Rocky to the bed? It's not like he could have overpowered him. Perhaps he just breathed forcefully at Rocky and knocked him onto the bed. We'll never know, it was behind closed doors.

Speaking of behind closed doors, Frank did some no-no things with Janet, and later Brad. They objected, but caved in when they realized how good Frank must be. Quality comes with experience, they say. Franks fun homosexual romp with Brad was interrupted by an announcement that Rocky had taken off. Of course, he did that only because Riff was taunting him with some fire. Maybe that's how Frank subdued Rocky, his natural fear of fire. I'm not Lennie Briscoe, though, so I'm not gonna stake my reputation on that guess or anything. Frank and Brad went up to the lab to investigate (after cleaning up, presumably), only to be informed that some guy had showed up at the house. This guy was in a wheelchair. I'm not saying that cause I have anything against people in wheelchairs, I just wanted to clarify, if you were shooting for a mental image. I'm not gonna be crass and use some offensive term like "cripple," or anything. I'll use the far more politically correct term of "the conveniently-parked."

Frank used some super-happy-fun magnet to summon our conveniently-parked friend. I'd like to point out at this time that I personally found this man rather dashing. He had a debonaire look to him, as if he were truly worldly, or perhaps simply super-intelligent. I assume he used his mind powers to take control of the magnet. That'd be the only explanation for the fact that not even the magnet could stop the brakes on the wheelchair, as he skidded right past Frank and his magnet and made firm contact with a speaker located behind Frank (my bad... '-_-). After a short showdown between Frank and the good doctor, Frank heard a noise from the tank that the creature was born in. Inside were Rocky, Janet, and a far-too-naked Criminologist! How'd he get in the castle, anyway? Magenta was the only one of our judges who didn't appreciate the acting in this scene, and quickly raced to the gong to end the act before it could go any further.

Before dinner, the criminologist proceded to redress himself... well, his upper body, anyway, thus successfully usurping the throne and becoming the official King of No-Pants. Eddie may have been dead, but everyone at dinner had a little piece of Eddie in them. Fortunately, it wouldn't take long to digest, and they should be able to pass it within the next 48 hours. Columbia was upset that she was eating her boyfriend, presumably because he wouldn't be able to eat her back, and stormed out. Dr. Scott took the opportunity to talk to an invisible person sitting to his right. Then Frank informed everyone of Dr. Scott's heinous Nazi background. Scott thought quickly, though, and distracted everyone with a song. Frank was so upset by the effective distraction that he ripped the tablecloth right off of the table. Janet may have been drugged during dinner, because she mistakened Rocky for Brad. Frank was upset by this little mixup, and chased Janet around the castle.

(Editors Note: It was at this point that the Black Box of Death decided to reaffirm its name and nearly impale my face. As Danny was pushing me around in the wheelchair, Preston was moving the box off of the stage so as it wouldn't be in anyone's way for the next scene. Unfortunately, the "throne" piece of the box felt that that would be a good time to spring open, and brake my nose. I'm just glad that Danny was paying attention, and he jerked me backwards in time. Thanks, Danny. If you need, I'll jerk you back sometime to repay the favor.)

Frank was so angry about Brad and Dr. Scott calling him a hot dog that he turned everyone into stone. As Frank left, Riff and Magenta elbow-fucked over our conveniently-parked friend (thanks for the man-sweat to the face, Minion... -_-). The statues were carried to the theater area of the house, assumingly by Riff-Raff. Manual labor like that was how his back got fucked up in the first place, but he's not stopping. Boffo for him. Frank re-animated the statues one-by-one, as they sang a little song. While Frank was singing, to unnamed assailants (*cough* Animal and English *cough*) picked up Frank and swung her into the open arms of the magically revived Eddie. Dr. Scott, still in statue form, used his magical mind powers to de-stonify himself so that he could join in the action. Though Frank hadn't bothered to change Scott's clothing at the castle like he did for everyone else, Scott was prepared; he wore fishnets to the house in the first place, assumingly so he could go undercover.

Riff broke up the action with a laser, threatening to kill Frank. Frank made a final plead for life, but Riff wasn't really paying attention, anyway, and shot him. Oh, and Columbia was shot too. Then Rocky was shot. Riff pointed his laser at the rest of the group, informing them that they should make a run for it before he goes laser-crazy again. In the process, he stuck his lazer of Dr. Scott's dress, gently massaging his testicles. Then, he took the freshly ball-sweated laser, and stuck it up Dr. Scott's nose (gee, thanks Minion. I really owe you for tonight... -_-). Conveniently-parked people were wheeled away, the castle blasted off for outer space, and Brad and Janet realized that the only way they could regain their balance in the rubble was to sing another song. The King of No-Pants finished the song, and the house lights came up.