Gwen's Corner

"In 2003 a crack comedy unit was sent to prison by the TABC for a crime they didn't commit. These men and women promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Fort Worth underground. Today, wanted by no one, they survive as freaks of nature. If you want to see some music, if you want to hear some dancing and if you can find them, maybe you can see... LOS BASTARDOS." Hey everyone! Starman here. September 9th was a very special night. Why? Because it was our annual Drag Show! Yes, the one night of the year when we have men playing women’s parts in full costume!

Well, except for those name-out-of-a-hat shows. But it’s also the one night of a year when we have the women playing men’s parts!

Well, except for when Star plays Frank or Shannon plays Riff or…

Uh… well, the night was STILL special and unique for reasons that totally escape me for the moment. Regardless – here is the cast list of DOOM! DOOOOOM! (deep breath) DOOOOOOOM!

FRANK: Kate (1st time EVER!)
JANET: Fred (1st time EVER!)
BRAD: Limey (1st time EVER!)
RIFF: Bizah (1st time EVER!)
MAGGIE: Minion (1st time EVER!)
COLUMBIA: English (2nd time EVER – we think!)
DR. SCOTT: Amy (1st time EVER!)
ROCKY: Eris (1st time EVER!)
EDDIE: Halo (1st time EVER!)
CRIMMIE: Shannon (122nd time EVER – probably)

TRANSIES: Daniel, Mr. Saturn, Tommy, Angie, Justin, JJ, Emily, Star, Squid, Greg, Nathan, Mike, Katie, Marc, Manda

TECH AND SECURITY GODS: Cliff, Sean, Isaac, Glenn, Danny, Charles, Preston and Randal

FLOORWALKERS: Aniimal, Starman and Preston

So… yeah. Lots of cool stuff to note about the show, apart from all the people mentioned above who were playing a cross-gendered role for the very first time in most cases.

1. SOLD OUT SHOW!

Okay, I’m not sure if we actually sold out the theater. But we had every damn seat packed. How full was the theater? When people had trouble finding seats, we had to hit the lights and Animal kindly guided these people who were unable to find their own seats unaided to their seats. Isn’t that nice of him?

2. Two Ladies Pre-Show

Amy has been trying to get this pre-show done for a while now, because she is such a Cabaret fan. And it was worth the wait, believe me. My one regret is that I didn’t bring the vid camera last night to film it. Then again, with the crowd we had, I wouldn’t have had a place to base the camera anyway.

No worries though! We will be doing this pre-show again at a later date. And I WILL film it then. So even if you miss it a second time (and why would you want to?), you can see it on our soon-to-be revamped brand-new website!

3. Costumes that should not be

Katie, for reasons that make sense to her, decided it would be funny for her to dress like Animal for this show. Indeed, I could barely tell the difference when she snuck up to help me with pre-show until she giggled. And then Animal showed up, saying that they were supposed to be wearing matching outfits. Thing is, he got confused… and was dressed in most of Katie’s catgirl costume. The white one. The one where the only things keeping her decent are strategically placed pieces of fur… only Animal forgot the fur. It was quite frightening… even allowing for the fact that all furries are frightening.

4. Stunt Halo

So Halo was playing Eddie. And doing a good job. But there are certain problems with physics and a 5’4” (or thereabouts) woman trying to dead-lift a tall bloke like English. Preston was on hand, thankfully, in a black t-shirt that said “Stunt Halo” so that he could do the heavy lifting for her.

5. The most offensive costume, bar Nun.

I was dressed as a nun. With a real wooden ruler. You know, it’s frightening how much more agreeable women become to being spanked when you’re dressed like a nun and holding a ruler. Up until now I thought it was just my Catholic girlfriend who liked that. Hmmm… this is bringing up some very disturbing questions… moving on.

6. Oh Crickey!

Yes, there were Steve Irwin jokes aplenty this evening. Of course I yelled his name when Frank says “Come up to the lab and see what’s on the slab.” And Robert, for some reason, was in a homemade Crocodile hunter costume attempting to stick his finger up the bumhole of some very unwilling person in a crocodile suit.

Seems I spoke to soon is thinking I’d be the most offensive thing this night, dressed as a nun.

7. Hair! Not the musical

Kate, who was playing the Frank of frankness, actually cut her hair so as to more resemble a Tim Curry mini-fro somewhat. Well, I assume that’s why she cut her hair because the effect was similar. At any rate, she was a splendid Frank.

8. Lesbian Scene – well, they all like girls, anyway

We had our annual yearly Lesbian raffle for this show. One lucky person (?) got to be sandwiched in between English and Minion during the Columbia/Magenta “toucha toucha” scene. Well, lucky being a relative term. I imagine there’s quite a few boys and maybe a few women who WOULD want to be between those two and… the inappropriate imagery just keeps coming up unbidden.

That lucky person (?) turned out to be Meg – a regular who has been absent for quite some time and muchly missed by those of us who know her. So yes, she got to sit there and be disturbed by the boy-on-boy loving. Well, actually she didn’t look all that disturbed… come to think of it, there must be some other word I’m thinking of. Excited? Arroused? Ah well, it will come to me…

9. I’m A Lumberjack and I’m Okay!

We played this during Pre-Show. We had many manly men in dressed singing it, which kinda screws up the point of the song but who cares? It is Monty Python and it is fun!

10. In all seriousness (and about damn time)

It was a fun night. A few things here and there were shakey, as is to be expected with so many people doing parts for the first time… but nothing blew up, nobody got hurt and the audience all had a good time. And in the end, that’s why we do this – to amuse all of you. There’s no pay, little prestige and only the love of our fans to give us comfort as we drag our weary selves home.

So do your part; hug a Bastard! Unless you are creepy and smell in which case, back the fuck off!