Gwen's Corner

Are you ready kids?

Aye-Aye, Captain.

I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

AYE-AYE, CAPTAIN!

OOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh...

Who's DFW's only source for Rocky?!
LOS BAS-TARD-OS!
Unclothen folk far as the eye can see?!
LOS BAS-TARD-OS!
If naughty nonsense sounds just like a good time
LOS BAS-TARD-OS!
Then take off your pants and go suck on a lime!
LOS BAS-TARD-OS!

Ready?!
LOS BAS-TARD-OS!
LOS BAS-TARD-OS!
LOS BAS-TARD-OS!
LOS BAS-TARD-OS!

Arr-Arr-Arr!

FRANK Beau (Peter Pan/Robin Williams)
JANET Limey (Elizabeth Swan)
BRAD Danny
RIFF Wolf
MAGENTA Bizah (Female Captain Hook)
COLUMBIA Amy
DR. SCOTT Mike (Fidel Castro)
ROCKY Eric (Sinbad?)
EDDIE Chewie (Dread Pirate Roberts #69)
CRIMMIE Charles

TRANSIES Wes, JJ, Halo, Squid, Mary, Josh, Donna, Tora, Star, Nathan, Eris, Twitch, Shannon, Manda and Jenn

TECH, SOUND PROPS & SECURITY Paul, David, Saturn, Preston, Chewy, Cody, Marc, Bobcat

FLOORWALKERS Starman, Cody, March and Chewy

What can I say about our (arrrrrrr) almost sold out Pirate Show? Well, I imagine the only reason we didn't sell out is because of all the people who stayed at home to read Harry Potter. What the hell is up with that, anyway? Did you see what happened the night before? All those freaks out at midnight dressed up in silly costumes because of some stupid story? You'd never catch me doing something like that. NOTE: Starman is using Irony. Irony is dangerous in the hands of the unskilled and should only be attempted by a licensed smart-ass after years of study under the tutalage of a skilled trainer. Irony should not be taken literally. Please discontinue the use of Irony should you experience itching, burning, flaking or confusion and consult a physician. Anyway... the show went quite well and I think it was one of the best performances we have given as a cast in quite some time. I'm hard pressed to think of words to describe the entire night, so here's what I remember. 1. My trying to lip-synch to "Baltimore Whores" while Halo was grinding her variously womanly parts against me. Needless to say, I didn't do too good of a job.

2. Trying to sing along with "Good Ship Venus" only to find Bobcat was playing a different version of the song than the one I am familiar with.

3. Our pre-show performance of "A Pirate's Wife I'll Be". Go watch the video and see what you missed!

4. Various pirate wenches, strange women in the audience, rubbing up on me over the course of the show. Always welcome, but especially after the long day I had at work that Saturday.

5. Eric's Rocky costume, which consisted of a gold loincloth, a lot of baubbles and a smile. I'm not sure if he was going for Sinbad or just a gay pirate (which is a bit redundant) but it was definitely a memorable costume.

6. Repeated jokes about plundering booty and shivering timbers.

7. The tank being turned into a massive ship.

8. Beau entering the theater "flying" atop a push-cart.

9. Our old buddy Minion showed up and assisted with the Floorwalking dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow.

10. This conversation from before the show started...

Random Bar Person: Who are you supposed to be?
Starman: I am the Dread Pirate Roberts!
Random Bar Person: (blank stare) Starman: THERE WILL BE NO SURVIVORS! (runs off to the restroom)

11. The disastarous Virgin games where we discovered that quizing the common clay of the New West on Pirate Flags sounds a lot better on paper than it works in practice.

12. Manda in her Tinkerbelle costume and her eventual immunity to people shouting "I don't believe in Fairies!"

13. Mike playing Fidel Castro. I'm not sure exactly what he has to do with pirates but it was a neat costume. Apparently we offended someone. 14. Bobcat and myself chatting with roughly a dozen hotties at Ol' South, the survivors of a Bachelorette party. We pimped the show to them in our piratey outfits and learned that apparently there's some male stripper in Fort Worth who calls himself "Master Blaster". I never thought there was that big of a market for strippers named after the villains from Mel Gibson movies...

15. Shang-haiing Leah at the end of the evening after - oh irony of ironies, she was the last person leaving the crowd after the usual "meet and greet our fans" thing that we do after the show is over.

16. Ninjas. Fucking ninjas!

So... yeah. A good time was had by all. And that's all that really needs to be said in the end.